The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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