Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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