I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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