this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
