First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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