i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Randomize
