i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
