my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
