Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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