Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
