God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
