Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
