On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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