we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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