I have demons in me.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
