its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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