I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
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Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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