I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
