i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
