I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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