those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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