sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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