Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
