I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
