I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
