What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
