More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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