why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
