Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
