we made out on top of his cat.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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