What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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