so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
