I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
