At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
