Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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