Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
