Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
