She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Actions speak louder than pants.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
