My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
