I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
