things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
