Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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