He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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