Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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