Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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