she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
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do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
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I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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