How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
