remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
