Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
