i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
