about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
