Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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