Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
