i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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