The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know her cup size but not her name....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
