We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
