She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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