So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
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