Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize