If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
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Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
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I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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