Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
