I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i came on her dog
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
