I'm so fucking centered right now
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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