i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
