i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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