so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
