Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
