Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
