Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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