Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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