We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
