So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
