My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
